Don't Touch Me
by only-mj
Summary: "Just like they were destined as children to compete, as adults they were destined to be reunited." A progression of Mello and Near's relationship. Canon Character Death. Writing Trade with d3spairsyndrome.


Their first meeting was more business than pleasantries. The two children had been summoned to the head office of their children's home for the gifted. It was not often that they were allowed an audience with _The_ Wammy, of "Wammy's House". The two children had remained quiet and had listened obediently to the man as he spoke. He congratulated them on their high test scores and gave them new names. "L is very impressed." He said. "He thinks you two are showing great promise." He continued. "He has requested you go by your new names. From this day forward, you will be Mello and you will be Near." Wammy explained, motioning to the two children.

They both nodded, thanking him for his consideration. The taller, older child rose from his seat once they were dismissed, he turned to the smaller boy, still sitting hunched over with his bare feet in the chair. "May the best man win, Near." Mello said with a good-hearted tone. He held out his hand in front of his recently declared rival.

The one now called Near glanced up at the hand. He studied it for a moment before looking back down at his feet. "I appreciate the gesture. But I'm not fond of being touched." He muttered, absently twirling his hair in his fingers.

* * *

Their rivalry was and would always be a strong one. Even if Wammy and L had not intentionally pitted them against one another, they were destined to be at each other's throats. Near would receive the top score of their latest written exam, but Mello would stand out during the oral presentation portion. The next week, their roles would be reversed, it seemed. It did not seem to matter how hard one tried, the other would not be too far behind in rankings.

Over the years it seemed that their self worth would be defined by the scores on their tests, or by their teachers' opinions of them. It was no surprise that over time they became obsessed with their opinions of each other as well. Mello would wonder if Near had noticed how he had perfected his pronunciation in his german oral presentation in class. At night as he was wide awake studying, Near would ponder if Mello was still awake, or perhaps if he had gone to bed early that night.

"Hey… Ah, Near… Nice call, catching the professor's mistake on that test." Mello offered a peace offering one afternoon after class. "That was… really impressive." He admitted, holding out his hand in a rare show of good nature.

The interaction took Near off guard, but he was not prepared to let Mello know this. He stared him up and down a moment, studying him as though to be searching for an ulterior motive. "Thanks…" Near glanced down at the still extended hand. "But I'd rather you not touch me…" He muttered before snubbing the hand and making his way back down the hall.

* * *

As they grew, so did their obsessions with one another. It seemed they could not go a day without thinking about each other, and not always in a cutthroat and competitive way. They became so in-tune with each other they trained themselves to pick up on certain subtleties within the other. The way Mello would arrive to class at 7:58 instead of his usual prompt 7:55 on the morning of a big test. The way Near would keep quiet when their classmates would mis-pronounce their Latin readings instead of correcting them the first class back after finals. The way Mello seemed to grow and fill out his previously lanky features. The way Near's eyes would light up as he worked a new puzzle in the library.

"I know that you like me…" Near blurted out one day during their study hall.

The statement caught Mello off guard, dropping his pencil onto the floor as he let out a rather surprised sound. "I-I-I don't know what you're talking about…" He muttered as he face grew hot.

Near could not help but smile at Mello's embarrassment. He found it endearing. "No it's… It's okay…" He continued, watching as Mello leaned over his desk to pick up his pencil. As he sat back up he noticed that Near was holding out his hand. He knew Near well enough to noticed the subtle shaking in the hand as well. "You… You can take it… if you want…" He offered softly.

* * *

The two sat beside each other on a bench in the yard of Wammy's House. They did not sit particularly close to one another, the only thing that really set the afternoon different from any other day was their intertwined fingers. "You sure it's okay?" Mello asked cautiously. "If I hold your hand?" He asked, staring down at the smaller teen.

He took a deep breath, counting out the exhale in his head. "It's fine." He responded after some time.

Mello started to pull away upon sensing the hesitation. Near squeezed the hand in his and promptly halted Mello's retreat. "But you don't like being touched…"

"No… Not particularly…" He responded honestly, twirling his hair with his free hand. "But… I trust you. So… I think that's okay." Near nodded to himself.

Mello glanced down at their hands for a moment. He had to admit that he liked the way the smaller hand felt in his own. "Would… This be okay, too?" He asked softly before placing his lips carefully to Near's cheek.

He blushed and lowered his head. He swallowed, counting his breaths again as he nodded. _In, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four._ "Yeah… That… That would be okay, too…" He responded softly, glancing over to Mello with a bashful look that the blonde had never seen before.

* * *

"You're leaving?"

"Yeah. I'm fucking leaving." Mello snapped, throwing as many clothes as he could into a too-small backpack. "What do you want?" He barked, turning to face Near who stood slouched over in the doorway to his room, knowing that Near would not dare waste his time with dumb questions.

"Why are you leaving?" Near asked bluntly, not moving from his spot. "What are you hoping to accomplish, Mello?"

The older could not help but laugh, throwing his bag over his shoulder. "Anything. L's dead! There's nothing left for me here!"

Near raised an eyebrow, honestly surprised by the outburst, and doing his best to hide his hurt. "Nothing at all?" He dared to ask.

Both of them noticed Mello's hesitation. "Nothing at all." He repeated. The room grew quiet as Mello did a quick scan of the room to make sure he was not forgetting anything. His eyes locked on the dark eyes of the one he had grown so close to over the years. "You've won, Near. We knew this would happen." Near did not respond. "You're the new L. You should be thrilled." He stopped in front of the smaller teen. They knew each other well enough to notice that they were both hurting inside. They also knew each other well enough to know better than to try and talk about their feelings. Mello took a deep breath, raising his hand to rest it carefully on Near's face. "Near—"

The hand was immediately slapped away. "Don't touch me if you're just going to leave." He ordered darkly, not trusting himself to look up at Mello.

Mello took a step back from his rival. He nodded as he shifted the bag on his shoulder uncomfortably. They were both at a loss for words as they stood in his room quietly. He gave Near another small nod before finally sliding past him in the doorway and down the hall.

* * *

When he heard his voice behind him he did not believe it was really him. When he turned around and saw him he almost did not recognize him. Those eyes underneath the ugly scars, though, were unforgettable. Near could not help but rise to his feet as Mello stood before him in his headquarters. Just like they were destined as children to compete, as adults they were destined to be reunited. "I… I thought you were dead…" Near admitted softly, not sure what to say.

Mello chuckled, biting off a piece of chocolate. "So did I…" He admitted with a light-hearted smile.

Unable to control himself, Near took a few shaky steps forward. As though afraid Mello would disappear again, he boldly took the gloved hand in his own. "I… Missed you…" Near admitted softly, unsure how to describe the feeling in his chest as he could feel his heart beating too fast.

Mello leaned forward, not sure if he had grown taller, or if Near's posture had caused the younger to shrink. "I missed you, too…" He gave a small smile, able to feel Near's breath against his lips. "May I?" He asked carefully, waiting for Near to nod before pressing his lips against the ones he had missed so dearly. He held his lips against Near's, paying close attention to the smaller's body language to gauge when Near had had enough, always wary of the younger's aversion to being touched.

Mello was surprised when he felt thin arms wrap around his shoulders and he immediately wrapped his around the slender waist of his partner. He felt hands in his hair and he could not help but be surprised and aroused by how much Near was willing to touch him. Mello held Near closer to his body than he had ever been able to before. Cautiously, he opened his mouth, hoping that Near would follow suit.

Near immediately pulled his lips away. The blonde tensed, sure he had over-stepped his boundaries. He loosened his grip on the shorter man, waiting for him to set the pace. Still holding Mello, Near dropped his head, resting his forehead on the now broad shoulders. Unable to name this feeling, but positive he did not want to lose Mello again, he dropped his voice down low. "Mello, I…" He bit his lip nervously, the feathers on Mello's coat tickling his flushed cheeks. "I'd like you to touch me…" He admitted boldly, daring to look back up at his partner and pleased when their lips met once more.

* * *

He sat on the floor of the warehouse unmoving. It had all played out exactly how he had expected it would. Near had won. He had defeated Kira and had truly surpassed L. He should be thrilled. He absently played with the figurines on the cold cement floor. He could hear water dripping from somewhere, it mixing with the blood of Light Yagami not too far away from him. This was a victory for him. He felt cold, and he knew the feeling was coming from inside himself, not just the warehouse. The Japanese Task Force had long left to find Kira and confirm his death. He could see the sun setting through the open garage-like door. Near knew he should be leaving. He knew he should be thrilled. Instead he felt nothing but empty inside. He knew he should be going home. He also knew that there was no one waiting for him back home anymore.

Growing concerned, Gevanni reached out to him, snapping the young man out of his trance. "Near? Do you want us to take you h—"

"Don't. Fucking. Touch. Me!" Near cried, flinching away from the hand on his shoulder.

Gevanni immediately retreated his hand, surprised by the usually calm man's sudden outburst. "S-Sorry, sir." He apologized quickly. "Are you—"

Near took a few deep breaths. _In, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four._ "I apologize for snapping at you." He finally said, focusing on his toys instead of looking up at the man. "But I can't be too careful. You see…" He swallowed. "The last person who touched me died…"


End file.
